The Affair
I virtually met Malusi in early July 2014 via Instagram. We’d randomly started following each other on the network, discovered we shared the same sense of humour that led to exchange of banter ( in public / on posts). By the end of July he’d started sending me private messages that were very basic at first but quickly graduated to flirting ( Hello / Where are you from / I’d like to get to know you / You are so gorgeous / sexy ).
The messages were flattering but uncomfortable, I am married and had had a relationship with a public figure in the past and hated what comes with it so this wasn’t the route I wanted to take even if I was single.
The messages went unanswered until about the second week in August. I can’t say for sure why I even responded, I blame the fact that the daily attention from someone can be intoxicating. I was going to sleep and waking up to his messages daily. He was clearly getting ready to get married, a fact he failed to mention to me not that I can claim any innocence. I revealed being in a relationship and living with someone but I said nothing when he assumed it was just a boyfriend. He did question a certain post at some point where I’d posted a Cartier yellow diamond ring anniversary gift that he thought was more like a wedding anniversary gift and he was right. I dismissed the issue and deleted the picture.
Back to the ‘ relations ‘, the first time I ever heard of him getting married was on his very wedding day. I was on a girls’ getaway with my friends in Mexico so him and I couldn’t actually speak on the phone ( which had began just about two days or so before my trip). I don’t have an international plan so one can only leave me a voicemail when I’m out of the country. He left a voice mail that I didn’t receive until I reentered the U.S but I received his Instagram message which I shared with my friends or should I say was what revealed my communication with him to my crew leading to me discovering he was getting married that day. We then got into stalking mode that day and of course saw the wedding postings now that I was looking ( from other people, he didn’t post until Monday or Tuesday after the wedding).
Back to the story, I was so annoyed I didn’t respond to his Insta messages / calls or texts when I returned home. I actually took the whole thing as a sign that I should be focusing on my marriage but I should have known better. He’s a politician and they campaign for what they want. Before I knew it I was back on the phone with him again. He called a minimum of once a day every darn day as you can see on the log I sent you, it was multiple times a day when time allowed. Texts were in astonishing numbers on a daily bases.
Of course I questioned his not telling me he was getting married, he apologized and explained it as a fear I wouldn’t give him a chance if I knew. I then raised the WHY he’d so strongly pursue another woman in the middle of his vows. He explained that he’d been married in the past and had an ugly divorce that didn’t sit well with some of the public. He also said that he wanted to succeed politically and had kids with Noma and it wouldn’t be the right image for him to have the record of an ugly divorce and then a baby mama who in his own words basically cornered him into marrying her. He claimed she had lots on him that wouldn’t paint the right picture and more importantly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (we deleted this part as we felt it was too personal – JC) and she made him feel guilty so he felt obligated to marry her. She did confirm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Edited) to me during a June two hour phone call ( as you’ll see as I further detail ). She denied cornering him to marry her but said that ” Ungisabisa okokufa and he knows why, he’ll never leave me”.
First Noma drama
The communication continued / grew all through September into October, again daily and multiple times a day. I perhaps called him once during all that time, he was the one calling.
At the end October he had to take a week off to go to Dubai for their honeymoon. Please note that I have both a telegraphic and photographic memory. Point is that I’ll refer to exact pictures and give each quotes for some things. On the day they were leaving for the honeymoon Malusi posted a picture of Noma ( in black shorts and white tee shirt, I’ve looked all over the Internet for the exact picture but I can’t find it). He posted it along with a bunch of sweet nothings and excitement of the honeymoon.
Mind you, with the exception of gifts etc, I never posted about my man (The media claimed it was to protect Malusi’s feelings, BIG lie. I’ve been with this man since 2007 and we’ve NEVER posted a picture on any social media, we made a decision to not run our relationship on social networks even whiles we were just dating. He’s a very well known and highly respected entrepreneur who thinks social networks are a joke, well whatever).
What I did do is share less about gifts or mention of trips with the hubby so I went ballistic when I felt as though Malusi was throwing his marriage on my face. I cursed at him and told him to not post a thing about the honeymoon OR to never call me. The threats worked. She posted the honey moon lovey dovies daily (at this point she was following me, likely because she’s a naturally insecure person and wasn’t happy about the exchange Malusi and I had in public. Yes I followed her right back).
Anyway he posted a random picture or two of himself during this Dubai honey moon period. He called but I was giving him the silent treatment until a day or two before he got back, I started texting back even though I was still spitting fire. I don’t know how but madam discovered those texts and went insane on me. I still just don’t understand her level of English comprehension. Her argument was that I need to stop throwing myself at her man. Apparently Malusi had denied me, claimed I just started sending him flirtatious messages on Instagram that he never responded to. He claimed I got his number from my connections resulting in the texts. I was appalled, not only at his lies but her reasoning. Like, are you reading and understanding the text content ? How’s a woman that’s throwing herself at your man threatening to dump him if he shows off your honey moon ? Very upsetting for me. He was then forced to block me on Instagram. She blocked me too. I didn’t care but I cared and was hurt by what he’d said.
Within a 48 hour period he’d started calling and texting . ” Can’t sleep “.… ” Miss talking to you”…… ” It’s been too long “ ( 48 hours). Then the bomb via text……
” Please talk to me, will be on flight to Cape Town now and will call when I land. I can’t take this, the silence is too loud. In the case you are wondering, I have fallen in love with you”. ( photographic memory here).
After a few of these I was a bit sold. We’d never met in person so once I agreed to communicate again he felt that he wanted to resolve the matter in person. I have a feeling that you have a sense of what a bit of a crazy fireball I am, so I had been impossible with him, he had no choice but to pull all stops. Within two weeks he’d arranged my travel via someone. Before I knew it, I was in South Africa and a night in Cape Town turned into four days. Anyway I ended up staying there for two weeks . I’d be with my family in KZN on weekends and then in Cape Town Monday to Thursday, he went to Pretoria on weekends.
At the end of the ‘visit’ we parted with an agreement that I’d come back two weeks later to celebrate my birthday ( this was towards end of November, my birthday is December 11). Unfortunately his father passed away on December 1 leading to not only the interruption of plans but Noma’s discovery that he’d not only unblocked me on Instagram but that the communication had never ended, worse we’d met in person. He said he was frazzled that morning when his father passed away so he’d left his iPad unattended to and she went through messages. She came for me with no fail. Same accusations of me throwing myself at Malusi. Insults started pouring at this point, everything from me being uneducated, (Hello !, I have two degrees on my back. She can’t write a complete sensible sentence ), having no man ( I’ve been married for years) to me being a prostitute (NEVER and will NEVER be).
My sisters intervened at this point and had words with her. Malusi denied we’d ever met, claimed she was reading too much into the messages. Said I’d seduced him and got him to a point of communicating about fantasies of actually meeting ( Huh ???).
I was blocked from his Instagram again and he was instructed to never ever call me. This is when my Noma apology happened, (remember the News24 article that said there was a ‘leaked ‘ email stating I said I was driven by ugly decisions ? ). That was true EXCEPT they twisted it and pretended I’d just said that recently. When this incident happened I felt upset about Malusi’s lies but did what I thought was taking the high road by letting her believe what she was choosing to believe and just apologizing and moving on. I pulled no records whatsoever, I was beyond shocked by her reading all these things and still accusing me, and to be honest I sort of felt badly and wanted out.
Right in the midst of all that I forgot my phone at home while gone to teach a yoga class. It has a password but when messages come in you can sort of read as you are likely aware. Malusi was back on his “get me back” campaign so the “my love let’s talk I miss you” messages were popping in the entire time I was gone. I was devastated and unlike Malusi, I didn’t deny what had happened especially because I felt I was through with him at that point and my hubby is no fool. I wanted to clean up and get on with my life. I wasn’t even able to really explain why this had happened. I have a wonderful man of similar if not better financial status as Malusi if that’s of any importance. He left that weekend to clear his head. I felt weak and confused and found myself in a situation I felt left me no choice but to be single. Please don’t ask why but I found myself right back in Malusi’s arms, sold on arrangements to have finances arranged for whatever I wanted for my birthday. I chose to go to the Dominican Republic with my crew and needless to say agreed to work things out with him ( Yes, this media report was true). Hubby left for Europe and wouldn’t even take my calls.
( Another truthful report ), In February hubby filed for the official separation. I fail to explain myself to family or friends but I was numb and okay with being practically single. Malusi didn’t count as a future to me but I was high on his not giving me up. The whole thing intensified when I was now separated . I don’t know how to dwell on things I can’t prove because all finances and travels were very carefully arranged in other people’s names but yes we saw each other. When we weren’t together it was the long calls that graduated to FaceTime. Mondays to Thursdays because he’d be in Cape Town whiles Noma was in Pretoria. It then just got to a point when I wasn’t sure when they hung out together because he’d be up around 1AM South African time chatting with me even when in Pretoria. I eventually asked, he gave his explanation including that they weren’t intimate.
Moving on to June this year, I get a call from Noma whiles I was in Joburg (She claimed my friend gave her my number). This was a day or two after returning from a week in Cape Town with Malusi. At this time she was questioning me about a certain event/ incident I would rather not disclose that occurred in December and she basically wanted to hear everything that had happened since her last communication with me.
Mind you, she’d never stopped running my name in the mud. So badly I started not feeling guilty. Unfortunately even at this time she was still coming at me with “I need stop running after her husband”. I hung up on her multiple times and at some point I got fed up and told her to say whatever she needed to say once and for all and I let her know the communication and everything was and always had been because of her husband running after me. She responded with calling Malusi on a three way so I could hear what he says. He admitted to calling me a ‘ few times ‘ in 2014 and then claimed we hadn’t spoken since the last time they fought over me. Something clicked in my head and I thought enough is enough.
When he hung up I revealed EVERY detail to her very calmly. For once she stopped insulting me (she had me on the phone for two long hours or a bit more, to a point that she ran out of the battery and called me from their Pretoria home). Anyway, I told her everything and finally communicated woman to woman. I actually felt sad for her when she spoke to me about very touching and personal details and once again apologized, sincerely so. She pleaded with me to break up with him and I promised I would and I can still hear her repeatedly asking …… ” But he begs you to come back all the time and you do. How do you know you won’t this time ?”. …… I said I wouldn’t . This is when Malusi went on a “keep me silent campaign”. He didn’t call it a that or a bribe. He claimed he was just giving me a gift because he felt badly that I’d lost someone I love and went through so much because of him. I was back in KZN at this point and his verse was now how much he loves me but must do what’s right, the usual married man crap.
Long story short, he arranged my ‘gift ‘ that was brought to the Hilton by a European guy and the SA intelligence guy who’s always been sort of the financial right man. At this point my hubby and I had started communicating and I was hopeful and focused on working things out with him which has been the case ever since. Old habits die hard because Malusi attempted to continue this even after this point. I blocked him from my phone because I couldn’t take the risk of being caught in anything with him by my hubby and I’d truly had had enough.
This was all not enough for Noma, she went on gossiping and insulting me. When that wasn’t enough she unblocked me on Instagram to start a war with me. I repeatedly explained that I have no interest and as I told her then and still mean it now, I’m committed to focusing on my voluntary work building a women empowerment movement, I regret being a part of something that hurt another woman. I however do feel that many times I took Malusi back not out of love or anything but to spite Noma for the insults and accusations about me running after her husband when he was the one doing all the running.
After the huge June drama and madam realizing that Malusi unblocks every time she demands for him to block me on Instagram, she forced him to take his account down . The public will know it’s true that his account went down as of June 4, I remember the date because him and I spoke about this before he took the account down. I was literally on the phone with him as he was taking the pictures down because he at first couldn’t remember the password to take the entire thing down. He was allowed to return at the end of July with a new account to which she has the password. Also, do you recall the allegations of me asking why Malusi can’t travel alone like Tony Yengeni and the likes ?. UNTRUE. I’ve never had to ask such things, I didn’t ever have to fight for his attention. Her tagging along on his business trips is a very new thing that she forced him to agree to because of my existence.
A few more little facts :
- We communicated publicly when we were in the actual ‘ relations’. The public had no idea of course. He’d usually put up a picture of All Sorts candy with a caption ‘ Uyisilingo, I can’t stay away from you ‘ and the public of course assumed he was talking about his sweet tooth when in fact this was posted when he’d been questioned/ sent to the dog house over me but back on his “get me back” campaign and we’d laugh about it. I did the same on one incident in particular. He’d had no issues with my sultry pictures at the beginning but started thinking he could tell me what to do to which I retaliated with posting a picture and saying the Instagramer who has issues with my nudity should send lobola. He wasn’t amused at all. On other occasions, he’d post a city picture with the caption ‘ Good morning (Cape Town / PE or wherever he was), I’m so happy to see you, are you happy to see me ‘ on my arrival to visit him.
- Yes, the men’s shirts that were on my Instagram were his.
- The only proof I have of Noma dragging my name in the mud is the attached screen shot of a conversation between her and a mutual friend.
- NO, I have not continued with the relationship with Malusi and I have NO desire to, I am working on my marriage and I’ve told Noma this repeatedly .
- I NEVER blackmailed Noma and never would. Malusi always gave me lots of money and think about it, what sense would this make when even in the end he gave me such a huge ‘ parting gift’. Noma wasn’t aware of this, I doubt she would have made up those accusations had she known.
- I was NEVER a one week fling, the call logs speak for themselves and so does our meetings. We had about five visits consisting of two to three days each week of the two weeks I would usually visit from between November ’14 and June ’15. It’s all rubbish.
- I don’t think I clarified that the SA intelligence office started making the calls when I began the public rants. The negotiation was them giving me half a million rand to sign a non disclosure which to me clarifies that the “parting gift” in June was indeed to buy my silence. Only they didn’t foresee Noma harassing me or me being brave or should I say brazen enough to go public because they would have likely asked that I sign something then. Their offer is NOT good enough for me, what I would have liked is an apology for being called a prostitute. There’s no shame in apologizing when you are wrong but Noma doesn’t have that in her, she likes the pettiness and constant throwing jabs at me about being jealous of her.
IMPORTANT
I know everyone wonders why I chose to go public with our feud. I was tired of trying to reason with Noma. I’d apologized and everything else under the sun and just wanted the matter buried so we could all focus on our marriages but she wouldn’t let it go. I was overly upset when I heard the prostitution allegations that she repeated to me as you can see on the messages that first went public. What upset me even more is her threatening my women empowerment movement, The Sisterhood saying that they need to know they are led by a wolf etc. At this point I told her that I’ll let the media know about this whole thing which she turned into me wanting to sell a story. Once she said that I decided I really do want to put an end to it by going public BUT using social media so I could be cleared of anyone thinking I’ve sold a story to media.
In any case, I’ve apologized privately and publicly to her for my hand in this and all I want is her to stop dragging my name in the mud. I’ve never been a prostitute and I’m nowhere near being iqaba, I have two degrees and I’m NOT desperate for a man. I made a terrible mistake and hurt a man who loves me. I’m not desperate for any money, I have a very comfortable life with a man who can afford anything I want. I’m happy to have come clean publicly so that she can stop making any threats about ‘exposing ‘ me to the women who form part of my non profit organization, The Sisterhood.
To women in relationships or married like myself : This kind of thing doesn’t only hurt an innocent woman, I speak from experience that it deeply hurts the person who loves and destroys trust which may take years to recover. The pain and guilt you must live with is immeasurable and remember, you may not be lucky enough to have someone that will come back to you after all this so in the end, is the life you have worth losing over a dirty shame like this ?
To single women : This kind of thing is NOT love no matter how many lies he tells and how many excuses you give yourself. If you are with a married man that you think you are deeply in love with and visa versa, you both need to let it go for some time and let him sort out his family affairs because if his heart is no longer in that marriage, he needs to divorce and the two of you can have a clean start. There’s no reason to put yourself in a position where you become part of the reason there are issues in his home. You can play all the hide and seek you want but in the end just know that you are allowing a man to use you to hurt another woman. Even if he marries you, he will never be a blessing in your life if it took hurting others to get him.
I can never take back what I’ve done but I am focused on living with a clean conscience from now on. I’m happy to have this cloud off my shoulders. As I’ve stated repeatedly, I thought the whole thing had been left behind in June but no reason to dwell on that now that we are here. I apologize again to Noma for my hand in this, I regret that we’ve been proclaimed public enemies over a man who’s lied so much I even question my own sanity about how and why I repeatedly went back. I hold no grudge against her, I only plead that she please stop dragging my name in the mud because I will now have no other choice but to sue for defamation of character. Either that, it is my hope that we truly put the matter to rest.
By Buhle Mkhize
